Thursday, November 17, 2011

I'm a Mess

Ok, y'all. I'm a mess.

I was looking through some old blog posts and when I came across this one, I just about lost it.

It seems I blinked and Ethan went from baby to boy.
And it hurts my heart a bit.

I know he's supposed to grow. That's how childhood works. But it still hurts.

One day my baby boy will grow up and move on to start a life of his own. Without his mommy.
I think about that often, scared of how fast it might come. My mom has told me over and over how fast our childhood went for her.

Sometimes at night, I peek in on Ethan while he sleeps, and will him to stay a boy--still a baby, really--just awhile longer.

If I could freeze time, I would do it now.

But since I can't, I'll tuck these bittersweet thoughts away and focus on treasuring the moments I have with him while he's still "Mommy's little boy".

I'll hold his little hand awhile longer...
And linger at his bedside when he asks for me to rub his head, awhile longer...
Watch him race his cars over and over, awhile longer...
And even deal with tantrums...awhile longer.

Because one day he'll be someones husband. And daddy.
And I'll be a grandma. And...

Oh my. Stop it, Kari . Just stop it right now.

A tall glass of milk and a cookie (or two...ok, three) are officially in order.

I'm a mess.

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