Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Who's the Boss?

I remember the day perfectly. I was at church camp. With a heavy heart.

I couldn't give up control.

For quite awhile, God had been dealing with me; He was calling me to give EVERYTHING to Him. I was so scared. What would He want from me? Where would He want me to go? I didn't want to go to China, or the Congo, or some other faraway place. Would He send me someplace like that if I gave Him control?? Those were some of the thoughts that weighed heavily on my heart.

Sure, I was His child. Saved by His grace at the age of 9. Somewhere along the way, though, I took control and decided to hold some things in my hands, afraid of what Jesus might do if He had them in His hands...how silly of me.

So, after the camp's evening service, my best friend and I walked away from the Tabernacle with a nice little church-girl facade. But who were we trying to fool? Obviously God knew we had some things to settle. The altar call wasn't over in His eyes. It didn't end when the band stopped playing and the speaker closed us in prayer. We still had an altar waiting for us outside. In fact, it ended up being a cement curb in front of some pine cone trees. Both Holly and I had some things to give back to God.

My issue? I'd always wanted to get married and have a family--but for some reason, I had this fear that God would want me to stay single and live on a remote Island as a missionary to some tribe. I didn't want that! I had fought the Lord over and over and pretended to give God everything...but He certainly knew I wasn't genuine when I told Him He could have everything.

He broke me this time, though. I WAS MISERABLE!! I literally couldn't take a step further until I talked to God...honestly this time, too. That's why the curb ended up being the altar.

So, I gave it up. I gave up my dream to Him. I FINALLY gave it up...and I was serious. I told Him that if He wanted me to stay single for the rest of my life and never experience being a wife and a mother, then that was just fine with me. If He wanted to send me to a remote village far away from my loved ones then I trusted Him. After all, He saved my soul. He created my life. He knows whats best for everyone whether we believe it or not.

WOW--relief flooded my soul! I finally felt free! Giving those dreams to God was scary, but I knew He would take care of me. He knew the desires of my heart.

Holly's altar ended up being the dusty wooden floor in the girls' cabin. But how beautiful an altar it was--she surrendered ALL to Christ kneeling on that floor. Even if that meant going to a "far away land" as a missionary (which she had always been scared to death to do), she was ready and willing.

So here's what happened. Here's what Christ did for us when we gave control over to HIM:

I met my husband 2 weeks later and we were married 10 months after that. Not only did Christ allow me to fulfill my dream of marrying my "prince charming", I'm also a mommy now to a sweet baby boy named Ethan! God is so faithful!!! He knows what's best. Why then is it so scary to give up control!?

Holly ended up spending several months in Swaziland, South Africa. SHE LOVED IT. Her eyes light up when she talks about her experience over there. God did great things in and thru her life while she was doing mission work in that "far away land" she was scared to death to be called to. A couple of years later, she married a wonderful missionary and they are also the parents of a precious baby boy a little more than a month older than Ethan!

I love to think back to that fateful day when two scared gals felt the freedom that Christ gives in a fully surrendered life.

Why then, have I tried to take back control of certain areas in my life? I'm so frustrating!! Yet, God is INCREDIBLY long-suffering. I think that is one of my favorite attributes about my Savior. How can He love me so much, when I can be so unfaithful? I'm definitely a work in progress.

So, I guess I said allllll that (sorry so long!) to say this:

JESUS CHRIST IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!! He's given me so many blessings. I've got to share that--I just want to scream it on the roof tops! I LOVE YOU, LORD!! THANK YOU!!

In the girls' cabin.
The summer we surrendered all~

Holly is on the left,
our friend Cindy is in the middle

and I'm on the right.

Shortly after giving God control...

Holly in Swaziland, South Africa

Bob and myself while we were dating.

Our Wedding Days!!

Motherhood...how sweet it is!!

"Delight yourself in the LORD;
and He will give you the desires of your heart"
Psalm 37:4


  1. What a great post about surrendering it all to God! It sure is easier when we let Him handle it, it makes me wonder why it's so hard to just let go.

    God bless you!

  2. Your post is awesome! God is so good!


  3. This is such a beautiful story. You are so right about being afraid to let God have the control. I myself did the same thing. I praise God for his mercy, grace and faithfulness. Kathi

  4. Awwwe... that was an awesome post Kari... tell holly she needs a blogspot... haha!

  5. Hi Kari!
    What a great post!! I love seeing your wedding pics and baby pics too!! Thanks so much for visiting my blog!! That is so cool that we have babies born just a day apart!! Its fun to get in touch with other new mom's who are on the same path of life. Motherhood is so great isnt it?! Challenging for sure, but what a gift God has given us to be moms!

    I will be back to read more!!

    In Him,

  6. That's a great post, Kari.
    I remember being a teenager and during the invitation time I kept feeling like I was supposed to go forward and surrender my life to special service. I remember feeling the same way you did...thinking I didn't want to be a missionary in a far off country.
    I also remember coming home and nothing really changed. I ended up being a kindergarten teacher for 17 years in our church Christian school. I've always felt like that was my special service. (besides being a wife and mom, of course)
    The pictures you shared are great.
    Ethan is such a cutie!

  7. Hi there I was actually trying to figure out how to get that "Proud to be a housewife sticker, I too have a blog and am a stay at home mom. Then I wanted to take a moment to say what a Honor to run across another family that is a follower of Jesus Christ! I just wanted to say thank you! My blog is lyonsden4.blogspot.com
    Congrads on your beautiful family!
    God Bless you,

  8. Happy Mothers Day Kari!! Its our first!! So exciting and fun!

  9. I have some awards for you at my blog. :)

  10. Hello Kari! This is a great post! So refreshing! And I love your background too! And Ethan is getting so big and more adorable with every picture!



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